I Suck Boogers
For some reason, on the brochure for "So You Want to Procreate," they somehow forgot to mention you're going to spend time sucking boogers out of your baby's face.
I don't want to brag, but I've become an expert at sucking snot out of my kid. Recently, my lil terror has been manufacturing snot like Boston Dynamics manufacturing Terminator-like robots that will kill us all. The snot regenerates like the T-1000. For those who don't know, which included myself until a month ago, to clear your baby's sinuses, you put this tube into their nose and suck snot and boogers into an attached container through a filter. It's called a Nose Frida... or whatever imitation brand we got from Amazon. For us, this booger sucking method has been much more effective than the plastic bulb method, which you insert into your kids' nostrils and try to suck up as much as you can.
What I never realized, and certainly never cared to wonder about, is that I bet swimmers are great booger suckers. In my out-of-shape, sympathy pregnant, dad bod, I run out of breath when there's a super soaker worth of snot in my kid's nose. It's like trying to suck up a Wendy's Frosty with a straw. So my theory is that people with incredible lung capacity can suck up tremendous amounts of baby snot. It takes me several sucks to get all my dude's snot out. I bet Michael Phelps could do it in 5 seconds. Michael Phelps - possibly the greatest swimmer and greatest booger suck of all time.
This is all I got. These posts aren't all gonna be gems.
I don't want to brag, but I've become an expert at sucking snot out of my kid. Recently, my lil terror has been manufacturing snot like Boston Dynamics manufacturing Terminator-like robots that will kill us all. The snot regenerates like the T-1000. For those who don't know, which included myself until a month ago, to clear your baby's sinuses, you put this tube into their nose and suck snot and boogers into an attached container through a filter. It's called a Nose Frida... or whatever imitation brand we got from Amazon. For us, this booger sucking method has been much more effective than the plastic bulb method, which you insert into your kids' nostrils and try to suck up as much as you can.
What I never realized, and certainly never cared to wonder about, is that I bet swimmers are great booger suckers. In my out-of-shape, sympathy pregnant, dad bod, I run out of breath when there's a super soaker worth of snot in my kid's nose. It's like trying to suck up a Wendy's Frosty with a straw. So my theory is that people with incredible lung capacity can suck up tremendous amounts of baby snot. It takes me several sucks to get all my dude's snot out. I bet Michael Phelps could do it in 5 seconds. Michael Phelps - possibly the greatest swimmer and greatest booger suck of all time.
This is all I got. These posts aren't all gonna be gems.
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